There’s so much talk about being authentic – living your most authentic life, living authentically, showing up as your authentic self.
That’s a lot of pressure. As I entered my 40’s, I was still living life with the belief of needing to be perfect.
As we grow older, we’re used to conforming and listening to everyone give advice and guide us on what we need to do. You’ll go to school, get a prestigious job, marry and have children, and settle down.
I wasn’t always conforming though. In my 20’s I was living the life of freedom (traveling the world, in the Peace Corps, becoming a chef). And then the reality of settling down hit and my 20’s quickly became my 30’s, and then like the blink of an eye, I was in my 40’s.
Being a people pleaser during that stage of life, that was a lot.
When I hit my mid-40’s I started to have a midlife awakening. So much of my life had been thinking about what I needed to do to be perfect – was I on track with what everyone had always told me to do?
And after leaving my corporate job and taking time to discover why I felt out of alignment, I learned that in order to have an aligned life, I needed to start doing what I wanted to do in life and to connect to MY values,, not what other people envisioned for me.
Getting to know your values and start living authentically is a journey, so I’ve included the steps that I took to becoming my most authentic self below.
Discovering Your Values
Values are the things that are the most important to us in life. There are many ways to elicit your values, and during a session with me we use mindset techniques.
Below are a few ways to identify your values on your own.
- Pull up a list of values from Google. Highlighting those that resonate with you.
- What frustrates you? Explore why it frustrates you, and what you would have done differently.
- Write down your bucket list items – is there a theme?
- Describe times you were the happiest – what were you doing? What about that time made you so happy?
- Describe the time when you were the least happy. What were you feeling and what was the experience?
Discovering Your Ikigai
Ikigai is a Japanese term that translates to “reason for being,” and essentially is a lifestyle of achieving to balance the spiritual with the practical in life. It’s where your passions and talents collide with what the world needs and is willing to pay for.
To start learning your Ikigai, ask yourself these questions:
- What do you love / what brings you joy?
- What did you love doing as a child?
- What activities do you do in your free time?
- What was the happiest day in your life? What were you doing?
- What are you good at?
- What are your strengths?
- What do people ask for help for?
- What is something the world needs?
- What impact can you have on your community?
- Who or what inspires you, and why?
- What frustrates you, and you think could be improved?
- What can you be paid for?
- What job most fits you?
To learn more about Ikigai and hear one guy’s experience on self-discovery, this article is a great starting point!
Let Go of People Pleasing
Now that you’ve discovered your core values, it’s time to honor those.
In discovering what you really value you begin to uncover your “authentic” self. The next phase is to show up and stand up for what you value.
If you’re a people pleaser, like me, here are 7 tips to support you on that journey.
Give Yourself a Break
Through the midst of this transformation, it’s important to remember to also give yourself a break, and allow yourself grace. No one is perfect, so accept and love you and all of the dimensions within you. That is what it means to be authentically you.
And share those with others, by being vulnerable about your imperfections.
I hold this quote close to my heart because it was when I started to become vulnerable, that I started healing my past wounds.
Discovering your values and what’s important to you is going to allow you to open up to a more aligned life.
If you’re unsure of what is holding you back, set up a 90-minute clarity & goal-setting session with me. It’s a powerful session where you’ll become crystal clear on your vision, so you can move forward with confidence.
