With my recent decision to leave a well-established career and jump headfirst into my next chapter with no plan, fear is and has been an obstacle. Fear held me back for a long time. No plan meant no income so leaving my last job took a build-up of fortitude. And even when I made the decision, my hands shook as I had critical conversations with my husband and my boss.
There have been moments in my life where I acted on my intuition with little regard to fear. Moving far away from home for college and joining the Peace Corps in my early twenties are two examples. I knew I had the ability to overcome fear.
Over the last few months, as I relaxed into my new life and opened myself up to the thought of allowing things to unfold naturally my fear did begin to dissipate. Excitement returned along with confidence in my decision. I started to see things flow and believed in all of the little coincidences.
A calmer mind allowed my intuition to be loud enough to hear and I moved forward with the plan of becoming a life coach. After some research, I signed up for training which I started this week. The training has a specific focus on techniques like NLP (neuro-linguistic programming). Essentially, from what I’ve learned so far, NLP helps us to appreciate and understand the power of the mind. Think of “you is kind, you is smart, you is important” from The Help. I’ve always believed in the power of positive thinking and have inadvertently used positivity to get me to where I am today. I also believe that we can manifest what we dream as long as we have confidence and work hard.
But this week, after going through several of the training modules, I went on Amazon to find a book suggested by the trainer. It took me to a dark place. The book was categorized with other NLP books but also with books with words “dark psychology” in the title. I then looked up NLP in Wikipedia, and they call it pseudoscience. In a very narrow-minded way, Wikipedia wrote about its dangers. I thought to myself, “What the heck! Am I learning voodoo or something?”
Now, let’s be clear. My vision for my coaching practice will be a combination of techniques and be all means, will be relatable. I will use my experiences and knowledge of how I’ve worked through things in my own life. My coaching will have tools and resources to build confidence. I will not have my client walking away feeling uncomfortable or manipulated. That’s not me. Everything about NLP has made sense to me and seemed logical. I felt crushed and fearful that I chose the wrong training. My friend Ms. Fear was in the house and she was arguing my friend Ms. Intuition most of the night. It was a rough battle that left me with puffy eyes in the morning.
I put it out into the universe, to my friends and family in the heavens; the question, “Is this right? Should I listen to Ms. Fear or Ms. Intuition?”. I went for my morning walk and tuned into my favorite podcast, Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations. (I’ve listened to Oprah on my walks these last few months and have gone through probably 80% of her episodes. She’s my guru.) Most of the walk focused on her most recent episode about Chanel Miller, the young woman who was raped four years ago on the Stanford campus — remarkable episode. The episode was only forty minutes and I still had more to walk so I scrolled back through to the episodes I hadn’t listened and decided to listen to Oprah speak on “Your Own Truth“. It was if Oprah was speaking directly to me; the timing was right. The episode lasted all the way back to my apartment. As it ended, I sobbed with tears of happiness and appreciation.
This is why it was powerful. One, everything that Oprah does, says, and lives are in the realm of NLP. Oprah lives the premises of NLP as I’ve done my entire life. The label of NLP is just to help clarify the ideas. I know I will do good for others by learning this material. Two, it helped to reinstate the courage that I don’t need to be like anyone else. I decide what my coaching will encompass. My path is mine to create. My truths will be what I will share. I will glean what I need from the training and then create something that reflects my truth and vision. There will be naysayers. But if I believe in myself and live my life how I believe, then it is the truth.
So after cleaning my splotchy red face and applying cooling gels under my eyes (I’m an ugly crier), I wrote down my truths as I know them today.
- the mind is powerful
- self-doubt kills dreams
- most people are good and are on the path of betterment
- it’s easier to love yourself and be open with a calm mind
- fear will always exist; fear and intuition are often entangled and it’s up to you to decipher the truth
- sometimes you need to be still
- healing only begins when you open up the suitcase and unpack what you’ve been holding deep inside
- pain is an important brushstroke in your life
- decisions can be changed
- you don’t always need to follow directions
- the best person you can be is the genuine you
So don’t worry; no dark magic here.
songs on repeat
Three Little Birds by Bob Marley
Higher Love by Whitney Houston and Kygo
