Sunday is my day to regain some sanity. I try to find at least an hour to do something beautiful for myself. I hear some of you out there saying, “Ha! An hour to myself. Well, sure, but I have to help with homework, and pack lunches, and do laundry, and take the kids to (choose your favorite) practice, and essentially do for everyone else except for myself”. I also hear the other crew “if I don’t stop working on this project even for an hour, I’ll never get that promotion.”
I say, “phooey” to that.
According to a recent survey I conducted on Instagram (yes, very profesh), many of you are on the hunt for balance. It might be work/life balance or me/everyone else balance or even me/work/everyone else balance, but the plea was loud and clear…” please help me find balance!!”. Here is my thought on balance: it doesn’t exist. What exists is how you prioritize yourself. Someone once coined the work/life balance thing, and now everyone is on the fruitless hunt. It’s like searching for the holy scale!
Let’s start prioritizing you.
- Ask yourself, what is the best version of me, and when was the last time I felt that way? Doing this exercise is essential. I suppose the best version of yourself is someone calm, lighthearted, and well-rested. If you have children, imagine what an impact you would have on being that best version of you more often. We tend to feel like we always need to do more and be more to be the best, but sometimes the best thing we can do is love ourselves and take a time-out. When you take time for yourself, you are setting an excellent example for your children and teaching a valuable lesson, especially to those young women you are raising. The same thing goes for those of you who are at work burning the midnight oil. Stop perpetuating the culture that we have to work crazy hard all the time to make it in this world. It’s not true.
- Create a mantra or affirmation to shift your mind. No, this isn’t woo-woo. The subconscious mind is powerful, and we need to tell it the truth. Creating a mantra or an affirmation is essentially you telling your subconscious your belief. At some point in our lives, we may have learned that prioritizing everyone else over ourselves is heroic and the best version of a human. Or maybe we learned that a good parent provides for the family and puts their needs to the side. Perhaps we learned these beliefs from our parents (it’s ok Mom and Dad), or a sibling, or the person we look up to in the office. This lesson left an imprint on the subconscious mind and that’s why you now have the belief that it’s hard or bad to take time for yourself. I’m saying this next part with love: leave the martyrdom for storybooks. I believe self-care fuels lovingkindness. Try that as your mantra. It’s not selfish to take a moment for yourself; you shouldn’t feel guilty. It’s better for the collective if you take the time. Think of the Snickers commercial about being hangry — “you are not you when you are hungry. Snickers satisfies.” Mars convinced a whole lot of people (+16% in sales with that commercial) that if you eat a Snickers you will be more like yourself. Shift your mindset.
- List ten things that bring you joy. I learned this from the bio-feedback coach I had about ten years ago; it’s simple but powerful. The list should include little things like getting a manicure, buying yourself fresh flowers, purchasing yourself a bottle of wine and writing “MINE” on the front of it or watching an hour of the Dodo (that one is on my list because … puppies). Put your list on the fridge or in your wallet or on your forehead, just put it somewhere you can see it regularly. When time might legitimately be tight (aka the holidays), this list comes in handy to help you recenter. Don’t ask others to do the things on your list for you; do one of those ten things for yourself. It’s a heck of a lot more impactful on the spirit when the gift comes from you.
You might be saying, ok, I get it, but how do I start.
Life is showing you a green light. Just start. Take a moment to have a conversation with your boss, your spouse, your children, your employees, and tell them why you are taking the hour you deserve. They will get it, and you’ll be the hero.
With love and kindness.
